Manny Ramirez Would Like to Address the Trade Rumors

Looks like shit has finally hit the fan in Boston - Manny is pretty much challenging the Red Sox to trade him or let him walk for nothing at the end of the season. He's part of an interview from ESPNDeportes:

"The Red Sox don't deserve a player like me," Ramirez said. "During my years here, I've seen how they [the Red Sox] have mistreated other great players when they didn't want them to try to turn the fans against them.

Four years ago, this would have been chalked up as "Manny Being Manny." Now, even though it's the same routine, Boston fans are calling for his head. These fucks deserve each other. The Red Sox won't get any better by trading him and this might be his last shot at another ring (assuming he doesn't end up on another contender next year). Another boring, meaningless trade deadline will pass then we'll realize that there's 2 whole months of baseball left.

God I miss football.

[Big League Stew/Yahoo Sports]

UPDATE - Manny to the Dodgers in a 3 team trade (BoSox get Jason Bay, Pirates get Brandon Moss/Craig Hansen from Boston and Andy LaRoche, who joins older brother Adam Laroche, and Bryan Morris from LA)

This Might Be a Sign

This kid might want to give up soccer after getting two owies on the same play. I feel bad for the kid because it's not like he was asking for it. Just kidding, of course he was. Playing soccer is basically the same as saying "Hit me in the nuts as hard as you can," or "Shove anything up my ass, I can take it." Ok, the second one was Mel Gibson in South Park, but we all know it applies.

Police Brutality or Public Service: You Decide

This video's been floating around teh interwebs for the past few days. It takes place during Critical Mass, some kind of bike rally for douchebags (because cyclists are douchebags). Here's video of what many people have been getting upset about, when a cop takes out a biker. Various blurbs online state that the cop was moved off the street to a desk pending an investigation. Which means his job just got easier. Is NYPD hiring? I don't care about serving or protecting New York city but I'd like rewards for nailing bikers. That's not what I meant. I meant rewards for helping bikers to the sidewalk.

Giant Soccer Ball vs. Skinny Kid

There's no point to this other than to watch the little dumbass go flying when pelted. He really takes off! I'm impressed with how well he takes this giant ball to the face. His parents must be proud.

That Kid's Got a Live Arm

Huge minor league baseball brawl from Thursday. I'm sure you all heard about it. It's a "video you'll all be talking about at the water cooler tomorrow, but there's nothing cool about what happened in this minor league game between Dayton and Peoria." Nice one, Neil Everett. I heart Sportscenter.

That stupid assface, Peoria pitcher Juan Castilla, comes up to get involved in the fight by bringing a baseball with him and attempting to hurl it into the opposing team's dugout. Instead, he misses the dugout entirely -- how the fuck do you miss a dugout? -- and ends up hitting a fan in the stands. I guess Castilla has control problems. The fan was then taken to the hospital, as he was nailed in the forehead with that no-longer-a-pitching prospect's heater.

What a stupid fuck that guy is: you spend your whole life devoted to playing baseball and making it to the majors, then you throw it all away for some stupid fight? Give me a break. He'll be one hell of a ringer in the penitentiary league, though.

Weekly Jackass Wrap-up

There's at least one thing wrong with this headline: Hooker wins 100-meter qualifier in 10.76 seconds

And this one: Palm City man's stolen credit card used to buy program to prevent identity theft

Aaaaaaand this one: Ex-Hawk Childress signs with Greek club team but if you think about it, the choice between the Atlanta Hawks and some random Greek team offering tons of money might not be that hard. (This is legitimately interesting - I'm sure Childress won't be the only decent player to leave the NBA as the dollar continues to weaken)

From the "that's news to me" department - If you're too drunk to drive a car, you're also too drunk to tow it with a rope.

She Got Game

After learning that Karl Malone's daugher, Cheryl Ford, will be out for the season, the Detroit Shock signed 50 year old Nancy Leiberman to take her place. Leiberman was already the oldest player in WNBA history when it started in 1997 and will now reclaim that mark from herself.

I don't know what's more surprising: a 50 year old woman being a legit WNBA player or that the league has been around for 11 years. Either way - goodbye credibility! I don't care how many fights or dunks you have, especially if I can count them on one hand... combined. These clowns better hope slamball (on CBS this August!) fails again.

Brett Favre Has Some Balls

The Access Vikings blog has news stating that Brett Favre was not just in contact with the Vikings about a returning QB gig, but that he made the calls on Packers issued cell phones. The records show him making several calls to head coach Brad Childress and offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell. Because no one checks that stuff. Ever.

If Favre was black, he'd have already been suspended or forced to play in some shithole like Arizona. But he won't have any problems, instead he found a way to screw over a rival team by way of tampering. There's pretty much no way this can end well for the Vikes since they will probably lose multiple draft picks and lose out on the player they wanted. The Packers are screwed because they have no leverage in a trade. The Bears and Lions are lucky they already suck or Favre would be trying to fuck them too.

Pro athletes, especially ones that get hit repeatedly and abuse painkillers, make it so easy.

Return of the Nutshot

I have to admit I suck at foosball and try to cheat as much as I can, but this trick never crossed my mind. I'd say it was legal and just play through. Don't try the "Well what if it happened to you?" bit because I always wear a cup. Always. You have no idea how many people try to damage my nuts on a daily basis.

Not This Again

Spoiled brat and all-around loser Michelle Wie has decided to tee it up against the men again, only a few days after being DQ'd for not signing her scorecard. This bullshit has to stop. I'm not a golf fan to begin with, mainly because golf is fucking impossible, but she hasn't done anything to earn her spot (again). Thanks to another sponsor's exemption, Wie is lining her pockets with cash without doing anything positive for the sport. It seems like she's been around forever and hasn't done shit... Oh, right.

Wiffle Ball Bat vs. Some Dude's Forehead

Not much to explain here - idiot 1 hurts idiot 2 while other idiots laugh. I can think of a few things that would make this video a lot more interesting. Hitting this guy more than once... using an aluminum bat... hitting other people with the bat (i.e. hookers, homeless people, etc.). I could go on but this video doesn't warrant that.

Oh Thaaaaaaat Donte Nicholson Got Tased

I don't know who the fuck this guy is either but he's now part of the "Don't Tase Me Bro" family. I know I'm not the only person who thinks tasings are funny but the worst written report I've ever read tries to take all the fun out of it. We need video, especially of the part where the sheriff shoots Nicholson with a stun gun and Nicholson starts pulling out the barbs, only to get zapped by Johnny Law. I'll just have to settle for imagining the terror on the sheriff's face as a pro athlete started going T-1000 on his ass.

Carson Palmer Wants to Tell You How He Really Feels

A boring QB just got slightly less boring when Carson Palmer when on a mini-rant about Ohio State University while on talk radio. I hate OSU and USC equally so that's not the real point for me. I'm more excited about him going back to OSU's backyard... you know, where he lives and plays for 6 months of the year. Being that he's one of the only Bengals who hasn't been arrested, this is kind of a surprise. I'm sure the entire state of Ohio is trying to think of a way to get back at Palmer, which could easily take all football season.

What The Fuck?

Weekly Jacakss Wrap-Up

This is not how to redefine "heat stroke."

UK cops need to pick their battles. Even the most hardcore rent-a-cops in the US know when to hold off.

A rude and abusive airplane passenger tries to open a door in mid-flight. He gets dropped off in Bermuda. Hopefully it was the triangle and not the country.

Congrats Mississippi! You're the fattest state in the US.

Stay Classy, New York

Reports have Red Sox closer Jon Papelbon's wife (currently pregnant) being threatened by Yankees fans after saying he wanted to close over their beloved Mariano Rivera in the all-star game. "I feel like I needed to be in a bulletproof car," Papelbon said, according to [MLB.com]. "My wife is pregnant and she's getting her life threatened. It's stupid."

Normally I don't mind Yankees and Red Sox killing each other, or even killing in general, but you have to draw the line somewhere and it might as well be with pregnant women. Especially the ones with crazy eyes because they'll cut you.

Rampage Jackson Needs Help

Why else hit a few cars and lead police on a chase while driving a truck that has your fucking picture on the side of it? No word on if he was high or drunk, but he can kiss any hopes of a rematch with Forrest Griffin goodbye for now.

Video of the action can be seen here.

[from TMZ]

Greedy Bitches Burn in Hell

A pretty sad story can be read here

I wish these women/demons were younger than 75 and 77 years old so that they could truly serve their consecutive life sentences. As much or little as I care for the homeless, I care less for people who take advantage of them; let alone the way these bitches ran things.

The judge said it best:

"the men [you] killed needed only food, water and shelter and thought [you] were going to help them.

Instead, these unfortunate men were sacrificed on your altar of greed,"

Barry Bonds Has a Good Agent

ESPN reports that Jeff Borris (aka Barry Bonds' agent) is throwing in the towel, saying that "he has all but given up hope of finding a job for the home run king in 2008." How he just realized this at the all-star break, is beyond me. Isn't that the type of stuff that gets agents fired?

"I offered Barry at the minimum salary, and when I ran into a brick wall, that's when I came to the conclusion that he will not be in a major league uniform in 2008," said Borris, in New York for the All-Star Game.

HAHAHA. Holy shit, I didn't see that coming. I can understand teams taking a pass on guys who can't play at all (see Piazza, Mike) or injury risks (see Thomas, Frank) but Bonds at the minimum has to be pretty tempting, even if he is a cheating asshole and one of the worst people on the planet. Apparently it was the indictments that were the tipping point, making Bonds unemployable.

I realize that most people don't give a shit about Bonds, so I think Billy Wagner summed it up best when he had this to say about Barry not being at this year's All-Star game: "I hate that he's not here," the six-time All-Star reliever said. "Barry usually gave me a ride to the stadium."

Paying Attention is Overrated

This is what happens when people ignore those clearance signs found in parking lots and drive-thru bank tellers. Not seen - this man putting on a wig and some lipstick afterwards to avoid getting in trouble.

I Just Can't Quit You

Brett Favre asked for the Packers to release him today, making him eligible to play for another team. That means two things:

1) Brett Favre is really confident he can take someone's job (Brody Coyle, Josh McCown and the Bears QB rotation can't be happy about this) and
2) Brett Favre is a selfish asshole

Let it go, man. Let it go. If there's anything I'm dreading about the upcoming season, it's more jock slobbering from mainstream media about this fucking clown. The upside is the Madden Cover Jinx could be back!

Don't be a Jackass

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Weekly Jackass Wrap-Up

Waiting 24 hours to get your self-inflicted gunshot would checked out means you're tough. When the bullet passes through your head, means you're stupid.

Reason #2,342,576 why little kids are fucking idiots.

So much for Olympians getting to experience all of Chinese culture. China removed dog meat from the menu of all the "official restaurants of the Olympics."

Baltimore wants a WNBA team. That's all I should have to say about that.

Now We Know Why Matt Jones is Fast

In case you were ever wondering how Matt Jones was able to keep up with all those quick little DBs, considering he's a huge white guy, well now maybe it is clearer: Cokehead!

The ESPN article

Maybe you can team up with Chris Andersen and create the "team of incredibly athletic white guys who are pissing their careers away due to drug use." I'd pick on a white guy from MLB who fits this criteria, but then we'd have a team with hundreds of players.

HAHAHAHA

Karma's a bitch. Just ask Baron Davis, who opted out of his great contract with the Warriors (which was a genuinely smart move) to go play for one of the shittiest teams in all of sports, the Clippers, so he could pursue his dreams of being in entertainment. Since he didn't tell the Warriors about it until after the draft, they could take a point guard to replace him and still don't have one. Davis was going to play alongside Elton Brand and Corey Maggette and the Clips looked like they'd make the playoffs, until Karma stepped in. Brand bolted for the Sixers - who look pretty fucking good on paper - and Maggette just agreed to terms with the Warriors, leaving Davis with Kaman, Mobley and whoever the fuck else they have in that shithole. Fuck you, BD. You'll always be a cockpumping loser in my book.

The Bulls Don't Want to Run With You

Every year, jackasses in Spain decide it's a good idea to let some bulls loose in the world's narrowest streets and then run alongside them. From this picture, it looks like Flight of the Conchords gets in on the action too, which is too bad because I'd prefer them alive. The only reason anyone follows this (by anyone, I mean "me") is to find out how many of these assholes get gored/trampled/maimed. If this was on TV, everyone would be rooting for the bulls. I don't have stats to back that up, but I feel pretty strongly about it and that's practically the same thing.

Motorcycles Are Dangerous

Spend the next minute and half watching these clowns fail miserably at motorcycle stunts. You'll laugh, you'll say "Oooooohhhhh!" and maybe make some jokes or get inspired to make your own video, which will inevitably get posted here at some point.

It's Been a Tough Week for Catchers

Yankees backup catcher Jose Molina decided to start things off by taking a Mariano Rivera fastball to the family jewels. I'm no expert, but it looks like Molina wasn't expecting that. At least Jose had the sense to get back up and get the ball before writhing in pain. A little faster next time, Jose. 50,000 people didn't pay to watch you cry about how you can't have kids any more.

Not to be outdone, Diamondbacks catcher Chris Snyder ended up on the disabled list with a fractured testicle aka the worst injury in the history of sports. Apparently you fix that with surgery, but the damage to his psyche will never be undone. I didn't even know you could fracture a testicle until this week.

Last up (and it's only Thursday!) is douchebag puncher Michael Barrett who fouled a ball off his face, probably jealous of all the sympathy Synder was getting. The only way this video could be funnier is if all the kicking caused his pants to fall down.

How to become an Internet Celebrity in 10 Seconds

Self (or buddy-assisted)-mutilation, the tried-and-true method. Considering the preview picture of the video... well you must be wetting your pants in anticipation.

"I bet you can't break my radius by running it over with a 4,000-lb vehicle."
"I bet you're wrong, jackass."

Nice gay motley shorts, for the record.

Woman vs. Parking Lot Ticket Machine

This is posted on jackass list, so you have a pretty good idea how this turns out. If not, I'll give you a hint: she sets women drivers back 150 years. Her next car should probably be a horse and buggy or a donkey, since they would smash her face before being run into a post 3 times.

Aaron Rodgers Is Not Excited

Aaron Rodgers heard the news today that the gunslinger aka Brett Favre, is considering un-retiring. Apparently he's "got the itch" to play again, even though he hasn't sat out an entire off-season yet. I hate Favre twice as much as the next guy, but probably not as much as Aaron Rodgers right now. He's been a good kid so far, not complaining while he sat on the bench the past 3 years, probalby spending that time wondering who has the better job - himself or Jim Sorgi. The Packers better beef up security, because if Favre shows up for camp, Rodgers will probably bring his shotgun and start blasting til number 4 resembes a cheesehead (which I fully endorse).

Our boy Aaron probabaly saw it coming, as he was a little on edge in his SI interview. Where he dropped gems like:

"I don't feel I need to sell myself to the fans. They need to get on board now or keep their mouths shut."

I understand why the fans are upset about this - if they keep their mouths shut, they can't breathe. He basically just told the entire fan base to kill themselves if they don't like him as their QB. He's just so edgy! He's such a rebel! Look at that hair! He's a maniac! He should probably have just said he wants to be traded if Favre shows up or if he's outplayed by #1 draft pick Brian Brohm. No one would blame him, or even miss him for that matter.

[hit up jsonline if this wasn't enough Packers info]

Some Guy vs. Playground Equipment

I think we all know how this is going to end. Props for the "bonus material" at the end of the clip. This rivals the wall kicker guy for straight stupidity but the result is a lot worse.

We're Number 1!

That's right! The US leads the world in marijuana and cocaine use! Yes! Finally all my hard work as paid off and let me tell you something - all the nosebleeds and sweating and doritos and impotence were totally worth it, brah.

Roger Goddell is Not Done Crying

Our beloved commish might be done suspending black players (for now) but he's not done crying about the struggles of his $30 billion dollar business. Now I might be reading into things, but it seems like he's saying there will most likely be a strike in 2011. The railing sermon against the rookie pay scale was the first step. It seems like Roger wants to protect the owners from themselves but I'm pretty sure that's impossible when they decide how much they want to pay their picks.

I can't remember the last time a commissioner was such a fucking meddler (though David Stern's age-limit was messed up). Can't he just leave things alone? There's a salary cap in place, so let's just watch our favorite teams fuck themselves over and complain about it like we always do. It's like he stopped listening to talk radio or something. There are some things that shouldn't change. There are others, like commissioners destroying evidence of cheating, that probably should.

"What is: I'll take a different game show, Alex?"

Max = bad at determining the most populous nations.
Kevin = much better.
Erin = smart for keeping quiet while the men are talking.